scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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