he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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