Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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