You're so nebulous sometimes
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
