Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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