it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
