So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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