hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
