what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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