it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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