shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
