o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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