I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
