return my video game
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
