Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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