FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
