Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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