how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Someone shattered a urinal.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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