I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
