sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
