She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
