One girl and one boy is just not enough.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
