just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
