Someone shit on the floor
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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