question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
