I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i came on her dog
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
