don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
