He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Congratulations! We have a period
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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