You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
