loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
