I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.