I'm gonna have a badass scar
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I stole a fireplace last night.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.