Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
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And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
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Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.