Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter