PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
