carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
