U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
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