Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
