I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
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I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
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I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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