im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
