thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
