My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
