you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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