That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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