Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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