I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
