Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
