a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I will be naked everywhere
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
