Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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