my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
