I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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