i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
