the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
