just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
