You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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