Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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