I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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