She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
