she kept yelling 'call me bella'
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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