Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
