Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
