people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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