theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
