I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Randomize
