dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
