Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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