Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
